


Meet Me Half Way

by Trekkiehood



Category: Walker (TV 2021)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Anger, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Exhaustion, Family Drama, Family Issues, Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Scars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:35:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29541765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trekkiehood/pseuds/Trekkiehood
Summary: When Liam asks about a new scar, Cordell tells him, finally releasing all his pent up hurt and exhaustion related to the past several weeks. It seems more happened during his time undercover than his family realized.Written/takes place post 1x02This is a vent fic so if your not okay with some Liam bashing, don't read.
Relationships: Cordell Walker & Liam Walker
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29





	Meet Me Half Way

**Author's Note:**

> Hi yes this episode made me angry so I wrote a vent fic and it's been sitting on my drive since Feb 1 and as I know tonight's episode will ruin all of my theories and headcanons I'm posting this now while it can still be semi-canon compliant. 
> 
> I'm doing this on my phone so I'm sorry if the format is wonky. 
> 
> THERE WILL BE LIAM BASHING so please be aware of that. 
> 
> Absolutely adore this show and can't wait to see where they take it! 
> 
> Thanks to Pricelesstrashpanda for the beta :)

He wanted to bang his head on a wall. On a hard wall made of metal or brick or both. He was tired. Tired of work. Tired of responsibilities. Tired of this never ending cycle of mistrust and anger the world seemed to impose on him. He just wanted a break. Just a break. 

As it was, he had kids to take care of. Kids whom he loved. They were his life. If only they wanted him to be part of it. Then there was his work. Where his best friend was now his boss and insisting on proper protocol and titles. And while Micki was good at what she did, she seemed intent to prove that she was in fact better at the job than he was. Which may even be true. She was young and inexperienced and with time, she might grow to become one of the best. 

But he was tired. 

Cordell ran a hand over his horse, muttering soft words that held no real meaning. It was warm out, sweat glistening off of the horse's neck. The horse hadn’t changed much. Still as strong as ever. She still remembered him. She treated him as if nothing had changed.

And yet everything had changed. At a drop of a hat. His world had turned upside down. And he knows he was gone a year. He knows it everytime he looks at August and sees a young man instead of a boy. When Stella glares at him from behind dark eyeliner and a catholic uniform that screams ‘angsty teen’ and now ‘sweet little girl’. He feels it when he wakes up, feeling a sting along his back where he had the stitches removed only a week before heading home. He knows it when he closes his eyes at night to see blood and guns and smell musty, condemned barns, and hears threats and curses and pleas. He knows it in a way that his family doesn’t understand. In a way that makes him wonder if it’s his wife’s absence or his own presence that is so out of place in a world that used to be home. 

His parents’ house was nice. The kids loved it. He was happy for them. Liam drove them to school in the mornings. That was great of him. He appreciated the help from his family. He did. He just wished they would stop treating him like the bad guy of the situation. He wishes that the intent was to help him, not make him feel guilty for what a terrible father he was. 

He was just so tired. 

And he saw Emily everywhere. They were soulmates. He felt like a piece of him died with her. And now even the house where he had loved her and taken care of with her was out of his reach. He loved his parents’ home and the help that they offered, but it was no longer home. But his kids were happy and their happiness would always come before his own. He kept being accused of trying to make decisions for everyone when it seemed to him he wasn’t even allowed to make decisions for himself. Whatever decisions he made seemed to be the wrong ones. 

The hot Texas sun continued to beat down on him. He was alone for the moment, a rare moment of privacy without the prying eyes of his family or coworkers. Alone, yet in a place where he couldn’t be accused of hiding or neglecting his responsibilities. Small miracles. Removing his hat and placing it on a fencepost, he pulled off first his flannel, then his undershirt. He’d regained most of his muscle mass over the last couple weeks, a feat that had his doctors both concerned and impressed. They really shouldn’t be. He was Cordell Walker, Texas Ranger, the best of the best. What was a couple pounds and increased muscle tone? 

“Wha-?” 

Walker spun at the voice, hand reaching for his gun before he saw his brother. He let out a puff of air, reaching back up to pet the horse, ensuring she hadn’t been spooked by his abrupt movements. She wasn’t. She had been trained for much worse. 

Liam was staring at him with wide eyes, concern and shock in his features.

“You good?” Cordell asked, raising his eyebrows. 

“Wh-what happened?” Liam sounded bewildered.

Walker let out a short breath, “You’re gonna have to be more specific.” 

“Your back?!”

“Oh.” The pain had become such a constant presence that he had forgotten it was new. Forgotten it was just one more change, one more thing that separated his current life from the life he had always known. He absentmindedly ran his fingers from his left hip, following the still healing cut from his side to his mid-back. “It’s just a scratch.” he smiled.

“You’d think someone who just spent a year undercover would be a better liar.”

Cordell let out a rough laugh, rubbing his temple, “Well I suppose that was the problem to begin with.” He yanked his shirt back on, feeling oddly exposed in a way that he hadn’t in years. Just another change to add to the list. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

Walker turned around, putting his full attention back on the horse. “I ran into some trouble when I was undercover. But I’m good now.” He forced a smile, even knowing his brother couldn’t see it. 

“What kind of trouble?” 

And Cordell loved his brother. He really did. But why couldn’t he just leave well enough alone? He’d already called him irresponsible and neglectful and admitted to trying to take his kids. Didn’t he deserve privacy in at least part of his life? Why did he have to be the public display of trauma? Why did he have ‘to be more open’ all the while just wanting a moment to himself? A moment to let down his guard as Cordell Walker. 

“Does it really matter?” 

And it did. He knew it did. But that didn’t mean he wanted to talk about it. He had a scar on his back and dark memories in his mind but there was nothing he could do about it. Maybe focusing on his dead wife wasn’t the healthiest coping mechanism but he’d had more time to process that than whatever the past couple months had been. Back when he’d been able to comfort himself with the idea of normal. An idea that he was realizing more and more would never come to fruition. 

“Yes it matters!” His brother had come up closer behind him and it took every ounce of self control not to turn around and lash out. Even then he couldn’t control his muscles tightening as if preparing for a fight. 

“Drop it Liam.” 

“You were gone for ten months Cordell, I think I have a right to know what happened!” 

Walker nearly choked on his laugh, “Y-you have a right?” He couldn’t keep the anger tinted disbelief out of his voice. “I know we’re family but since when do you have the ‘right’ to everything? You have the ‘right’ to my kids. You have the ‘right’ to my time. You have the ‘right’ to know what I’m doing, when and why. You have the ‘right’ to know what happened to me. You seem to have a ‘right’ to a lot of things.”

“Cordell-” his brother gave a long suffering sigh and the Walker in question felt as if his restraints had snapped. 

“I was captured, Liam.” He spun around, raising his arms along with his voice, “I slipped up. I made a mistake. I couldn’t get out or make a phone call because I knew I was being watched. I was TRYING to keep my kids from becoming REAL orphans. I THOUGHT an off the grid dad would be slightly better than a dead one! To be honest I’m not so sure anymore!”

“Captured?” And his brother might as well reverted back into a twelve year old. “I-I thought-”

The change in his brother's tone did nothing to quell the rising anger. “Well you thought wrong, Liam!” He ran a filthy hand over his face, “Did you really think I was ignoring you guys on purposed?! Did you really think I LIKED being away for so long?! Do you really think I didn’t wish every. Single. Day. to pick up the phone and just, just hear a familiar voice?! I COULDN’T get out. Not without bringing them here. Not without putting my family in VERY REAL danger. But even that apparently wasn’t enough! I don’t know if there was a mole or if I’m really just THAT BAD at my job but I got caught. I got caught and nearly killed but no, I’m a terrible father because I didn’t smile and say ‘Hey guys, I know you’re leading a drug cartel and currently want me dead, but if you would be so kind, could I borrow a phone, I think my daughter has a soccer game.’ Trust me, Liam. I would have LOVED to be sitting at Stella’s soccer game instead of tied to a chair in an abandoned barn but as this year has proved, we don’t always get what you want.”

“Cor, I-”

“But it really doesn’t matter. Obviously no one cares. I was dark for three months. Three months. Did you think I was dead? Did you even care? Because you wanted to take my kids so clearly you thought SOMETHING was up. But not once has anyone asked how I’M doing. Sure you ask why I’m not doing better. I’m asked when I’m going to step up and be a better father. You wonder how I could do this to my kids. But never ‘hey Cordell, you know how you were MISSING for three months? What went down? Are you okay?’ You think I just went dark to my family? You think I just needed a break? No! I had NO contact with ANYONE. I’ll admit, part of it was self induced because I knew they were onto me, but a large portion was completely out of my control. But no, I’m just a neglectful father! That’s clearly the problem here!” It was hard to feel anything other than the overwhelming anger. 

He clenched his fists, letting out a breath through his nose. 

“Cordell I’m-”

“No. No don’t Liam. I can’t. Not today. Just- just give me time, okay?” He sighed running a hand over his face. “I just need time to adjust. I know things are different. I know. I’m not- I’m not trying to push anyone away or to take my family or life here for granted. Trust me, I understand how good I have it here. But I’m tired Liam. So I don’t want apologies. I just- I just need you to meet me halfway.” He looked up, catching his brother’s eyes. “Please.” 

Liam nodded, a stiff jerk knocking loose a few of the previously unshed tears.

Cordell met the nod, turning back to his horse. He heard his brother move away and sighed. He was just so tired. 

**Author's Note:**

> There you have it. I write the last like five lines today and the rest is from a month ago so hopefully it all makes sense. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought! Can't wait for the next episode. Like I have been hyped for 1x05 "Duke" for SO LONG AND IT COMES OUT TONIGHT (to bad I have to wait for it to release on the app 😅)  
> Until next time! 
> 
> God bless,  
> Jamie


End file.
